The Best and Truest Lies About Global Climate Change
by Sarah Weeks
Look, you must believe my lies –
The ice caps aren’t melting, it’s just the sky dripping into the sea.
And all the brown? Well, the natural color of the world is brown
Green is just a social construct.
How could you not believe me? This is important, now, listen up –
We need to eat and kill all those nasty
Fish and whales and dolphins
In order to make room for the plastic bags.
Don’t walk away! This is a problem!
We need to focus on the bee’s disappearance –
They’re planning to overthrow our government
Them and the Chinese.
It’s not coal and oil and carbon that’s the problem –
The black, oozing waste is just the worries we’re dumping away
So we can all be happier.
No, what’s troubling are the countries around us
All too jealous of our wasted plains
If we don’t fight them first
They’re going to destroy us.
And hey, don’t consider any other species
Humans are all that matter anyways.
We’ve already claimed the Earth and as everyone knows
Possession is 9/10s of the law.
Worry instead about the lies being told by the media
You can’t trust anyone anymore.
SARAH WEEKS is an English and Creative Writing major at the University of Iowa. She has no idea what she’s doing with her life, but is pretending as hard as she possibly can.